Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
