did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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