How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
