is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
