im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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