If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize