At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
