glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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