Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
