You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
