The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
