toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
