Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
