I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
