She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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