he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize