and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
