The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
