so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
