And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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