i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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