the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
