I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
