I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
