yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
only you would photoshop your dick
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
