So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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