he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
