I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
