just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
