it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
