i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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