I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
