Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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