just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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