and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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