First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
