Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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