god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I believe in your delicious
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
