She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
