Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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