By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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