The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
