He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
