I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
