I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
