That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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