my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My balls are so social today.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
