and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
