help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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