I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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