you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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