Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
