The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
