i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We left the knife in your bed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
