This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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