Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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