Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
