I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
