no, he came in my armpit
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
