Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish you could order shots online.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
