Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
