hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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