I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
