I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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