I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
