Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
