I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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