had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
