walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize