we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You ate ashes out of my bong
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
