your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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