I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
someone owes me an orgasm
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
