i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
