yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize