I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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