Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
