Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we're so committed to being not committed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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