Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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