SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
