ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
