So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
